he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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