I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm passing your future prison.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
my liver is dry heaving
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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