Don't make out with my wife yet
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
