yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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