is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
