we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
As shirtless as possible
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
