I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
