Acid is not a monday night drug
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
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