I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
