I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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