Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
