I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
