I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
