Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Randomize
