I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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