Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
