I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
