It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
