apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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