It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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