the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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