He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
