it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
