Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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