So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
