i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
