i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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