I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
