We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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