my soul wont recognize me after tonight
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I hope mine doesn't look like that
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize