"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize