Your face is a jimmy john
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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