Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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