They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Jerry, you need to find god
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
