I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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