My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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