They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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