im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
