I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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