something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
