and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize