I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
our cab driver is having phone sex.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
