Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
