Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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