i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
