Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
