Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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