Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
