I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
