Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
