saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The adults are the big ones right?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
