Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
