I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
