just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize