SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize