Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
