Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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