Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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