Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
What a dumb baby whore.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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